Sunday, February 1, 2009

first attempt

i have my sketch pad out. and i am workin on the sketches...im on page 8 of 30. thats good right? well, im stopped at 8 cuz im gettin annoyed. her face looks dumb. maybe i need an illistator? but what if they do it and i dont like it? and its not what i ever wanted? no! i must do the illistrations. no one can get into my imagination and have the same dream for this book as i did! they didnt even create her! i did, and i will achieve this. i have the skills, i just lack the patients. i will..for i must get patients! ok... did i pump myself up? should i re-attempt her face? her face, its too detailed. it was never supposed to be so detailed. im not pumped up... ok, what should i do to pump this carcus up? thats what i feel like, a carcus. where is my drive?! umm....if i dont do this now, i will still be unmoved. i will still be without victory. so, if i try and i fail...i tried and am closer to this victory, because that failiar was bound to happen anyway, and that lesson needed to be learned...so i need to get out all the failings..until i get there. until i reach the end. and it will only happen through perseverance and with courage to face the challenges that WILL come without invitation. so stop standing there and wishing life will come easy, and thinking that if you never face your fears that you will never have challenges. would you rather face the challenges that came with faceing your fears or would you rather have the challenges that come with ignoring your life? who would you be without a challenge? would we have no character? this is only a book. and through the way that it is being written, with fear of failier and disaprooval lies the story that id die to put behind me but its the story that unfortunatly still dictates my life.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

his boots is what kills me

im sitting next to a homeless man in starbucks. he is sleeping. he is snoring really loud. one customer bought him a cookie, and placed it infront of him...he is still sleeping. another customer bought him a drip coffee, sat it next to the cookie. he woke up, walked to the register, and bought his own coffee and then sat back down at his table. he is trying to stay awake. his boots, the rubber of the toe peeling off entirely. im sure he trips on that big rubber piece all of the time. his pinky on his hand looks broken. why isnt he eating his cookie? i just want to cry. where is his family? he is coughing really hard, he must be sick like me. he just left and went to sit outside but he left the cookie and coffee that other people bought for him. i didnt even do anything for him.